Chandra Clarke

Award-winning entrepreneur. Author. Professional Optimist.

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If a Tree Falls in the Forest…

October 31, 2018 By Chandra Clarke 2 Comments

Image credit: Pixabay

We’ve known for a long time now that plants ‘feel.’ That is, if you have sensors hooked up to a plant, and you cut it, the sensors will register a signal that roughly translates into: GEEZE, THAT HURT!

Scientists are now discovering that plants may also ‘think.’ One type of plant, for example, is known to be able to sense the presence of friends or foes, and decide how to approach them. Another plans its growth two years into the future, based on its predictions of weather patterns, making it a great deal smarter than your local weather broadcaster.

Some plants remember past transgressions. Most seem to be able to communicate — to other plants, and insects — using chemical signals. And apparently some can even do Euclidean geometry, which puts them ahead of the average American high school student.

These findings have profound implications for scientists, philosophers, and yes, you over there, sitting on your couch. For example, this means that it’s not just your imagination — the dandelions really *do* duck when you mow your lawn. They’ve also probably worked out how to hold their breath until you’re done spraying the weed killer.

It gets worse. If plants remember past wrongs, then you might want to consider apologizing the next time you bump a tree with your car — otherwise you might find yourself concussed by a falling branch when you pass by again. Or for that matter, it may turn out that none of us has ever really stepped on a rake — maybe the grass has been throwing it at us all this time. Think I’m being paranoid about the possibility of plant aggression? Just remember that it is, as they say, a jungle out there.

On the positive side, parents can now get their own back. Well-meaning but generally rebellious teens delight in announcing — usually after Mom has spent several hours on a fancy Sunday roast dinner — that they’ve suddenly taken up vegetarianism. Parents can wave these studies under the teen’s nose, and follow-up by offering a tempting bacon sandwich every time the kid is playing music too loud or taking too much bandwidth.

Also good news is the fact that we’ve discovered the secret talents of plants before it was too late. If the average strangleweed has decision-making capabilities, this does not bode well for the future of the human race. Indeed, we’re always making movies and writing books about machines going berserk and taking over the world. Perhaps we should be more worried about the local flora.

That’s because there are trees that have survived since before Socrates was a wee lad. A strong vine can, over time, pull down a solid brick wall. An innocent patch of moss can make walkways slippery and treacherous. In fact I’m beginning to think that, opposable thumb or not, the only reason it’s me sitting here writing this and not a humourous oak tree is simply that I type faster. Most mornings, anyway.

I would suggest that we need to do more research into plant intelligence. Do they have religious beleafs? Is a tree’s bark worse than it’s bite? Having mastered geometry, have any plants branched out into calculus? Twigonometry?

What about the legal and moral ramifications? Will pasturing sheep suddenly be tantamount to grass genocide? Are we likely to see the rise of advocacy groups named PLANTA who decry the overcrowding and forced yield increases of crop farming? Will grocery stores sell free range oatmeal at a premium?

Finally, philosophically speaking, we may have to ask that ancient, puzzling question once again: If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one around, does it make a sound?

And if it does, is it: GEEZE, THAT HURT!

—

PS – If you liked this piece, you’ll love Knock on Wood.

 

 

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Mine

August 21, 2018 By Chandra Clarke 1 Comment

I’ve always been fascinated by how other people and other creatures perceive things. Thomas Nagel once famously asked “What is it like to be a bat?” We can’t know for sure, obviously, but it is fun to speculate. I’ve done just that in this short story.

Mine is tale of fierce canine love and loyalty, as told… by the dog. If you love stories about dogs, you’ll love this one.

Available now at:

Incoming search terms: stories about dogs, dog story, amazing dog stories

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Knock on Wood

August 3, 2018 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

Trees: We grow them, we depend on them, we even hug them. But have you ever wondered why? This short, humorous, fantasy story will make you see them in a whole new light.

Available at Amazon and other book retailers:

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Go hunting… for ancient trees

March 9, 2012 By Chandra Clarke 2 Comments

English: Photo of Robin Hood's Major Oak Tree ...
The Major Oak, a tree in the famous Sherwood forest that is reputed to have been he hideout of one Robin Hood. This tree is thought to be about 1000 years old, and probably weighs 23 tons.  It is 33 feet or 10 metres around. The beams you see are there to support the lower branches. (Photo Credit: Wikipedia)

Did the Ents fascinate you when you read Lord of the Rings? Fancy a walk in the woods? Then perhaps you need to join the Ancient Tree Hunt project in the United Kingdom.

The Woodland Trust has embarked upon a  project to find and map all of the huge, old trees in the UK to help preserve them. To date, the project has mapped more than 100,000 wooden wonders; this is a remarkable number, not just in terms of how busy participants have been, but in terms of how amazing it is that there are that many still standing.

Ancient trees are important for many reasons. Not only are they worthy of preserving simply because of their place in our cultural heritage, but researchers can learn things about our climate by studying the conditions these trees have lived through over the past several centuries. In some cases, they are home to species of birds or insects that cannot be found elsewhere. Some of them may have interesting historical relics associated with them too. For example, the Crowhurst Yew once had a cannonball from the English Civil War embedded in it. Have a look at the picture of that old beauty here.

There are several ways to get involved in the project. You can take part by finding, measuring and recording ancient trees, and uploading the information to the server.  You can also help by spreading the word about the project. There’s a newsletter you can subscribe to, and tree events to attend.

If you live outside the UK, you might want to donate to the project and become a tree guardian (the landing page suggests an amount of five thousand pounds, but I’m sure they’d welcome donations of all sizes, or perhaps you could organize a fundraiser). Or you might plan your next visit to the UK around finding new trees or visiting some known ones. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing the Major Oak, shown to the right, in person, and I can say that the pictures just don’t do it justice.

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