Chandra Clarke

Award-winning entrepreneur. Author. Professional Optimist.

  • Home
  • About
  • Books & Shorts
  • Press & Awards
  • Citizen Science
  • Contact Me

Giving you paws for thought

October 2, 2018 By Chandra Clarke 1 Comment

The same, but different. Also: hungry

Researchers have recently discovered some amazing things about dogs that will absolutely astound you … if you’re a cat owner.

In one study, scientists found that dogs may have personalities. That is, dogs apparently have enough unique characteristics and traits that you can actually tell them apart.

If you’ve ever been owned by more than one dog, you know this already. However, as a self-confessed dog companion you have shown yourself to be mentally suspect, and thus scientists don’t trust your judgement. This is because you regularly allow yourself to be smooched by something that may have just drunk out of the toilet.

So, how did scientists come up with hard proof of doggy differences? They recruited a thousand Labrador Retrievers and had them fill out the “What’s Your Party Style?” quiz in a recent issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. A control group of was asked to complete the “Which Star Trek Captain Do You Most Resemble?” quiz. (Incidentally, scientists had to choose this particular breed; otherwise it wouldn’t have been a lab test.)

The results showed that 40 percent of the test subjects wanted to play phaser fetch with James T. Kirk, while 30 percent wanted to discuss time travel with Captain Janeway over a cup of coffee. The remaining subjects went to the door and asked to be let out.

Okay, not really. What the study did do was have dog owners rate their dogs for various personality traits (aggressiveness, curiosity, friendliness) and then had strangers rate the dogs the same way. Most of the time, the owner’s assessment and the stranger’s assessment agreed, thus proving that dogs probably do have recognizably different personalities. Either that or they downloaded the personality test answers for their owners from the Internet.

A second, more interesting bit of research has demonstrated that dogs are very good at reading human social cues — better, in fact, than their cousin the wolf, or our cousin, the chimpanzee.

In this study, a graduate student approached a group of dogs, a group of chimpanzees and a pack of wolves, pointed at a wet spot on the carpet, and said “Bad! Very bad!”

No less than 100 percent of the dogs responded by ducking and whining apologetically. About half of the chimpanzees threw a banana at the investigator, while the other half pointed indignantly at the dog. No one is sure what happened with the wolves, as they’re still waiting for the graduate student to get out of hospital.

Right, okay, what really happened was that researchers hid a bit of food under one of two cups. The experimenter would then indicate which of the two cups the animal should investigate by either looking at the right cup or gesturing at it. Dogs were much better at recognizing the clues given by the human.

Again though, if you have ever been owned by a dog, you know this already. This is because you have to spell things like “car ride” or “cupcake” or “veterinarian” so that your dog won’t know what you’re talking about. Your dog will wake from a sound sleep and go to the door because he can tell you’re wrapping up that phone call. Or she will hide because she can tell that’s flea shampoo you’ve just taken out of the medicine cabinet, and not your own body wash and loofah.

Will there ever be definitive proof about cat personalities or a cat’s ability to read humans? We’ll need more subtle and sophisticated tests. When asked to fill out the personality quiz, 95 percent of cats tested bit the investigator’s ankle and wandered off. When asked to find the food under the cup, 97 percent of cats scratched the investigator’s ankle and wandered off.

So for now I guess, the dog is having its day, while the cat remains resolutely out of the bag.

Image credit: Me

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket

Please Don’t Have A Cow

March 2, 2015 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

A bitty bovine animal. (Photo credit: Justin Baeder via Wikimedia Commons)
A bitty bovine animal. (Photo credit: Justin Baeder via Wikimedia Commons)

Once, pot-bellied pigs were all the rage. After that craze died down, iguanas became extremely trendy. And of course, black and white dogs always become popular when Disney revives the 101 Dalmatians franchise.

This year, the hot new pet might be: the mini-cow.

No, it’s not a new toy robot out of Japan, it’s a real cow, standing about 42 inches at the shoulder. Where a full grown steer can weigh up to 1500 lbs, mini-cattle only weigh up to 500 lbs.

Proponents of the bitty bulls say that you can pasture one of them on a reasonably small patch of land, they’re easy to handle, and they’re better “feed converters” — that is, it costs less to raise them and turn them into steaks.

So far, however, mini-moo buyers seem more interested in keeping them as pets. I can see why, as there would be several advantages:

Snob Appeal — You need about an acre of land to keep one properly, which means apartment dwellers and suburbanites with postage stamps for lawns can’t own any. And nothing says you’ve arrived like, um, your very own cow. Or something.

Free Lawn Mowing — Cattle really know how to keep the grass short. Side benefit: Since lawn mowers vibrate so much, once your cow has finished cutting the lawn, you’ll be able to serve milkshakes.

Very Green Grass — No more nasty lawn chemicals. Cattle provide lots of free, um, fertilizer.

Easier To Motivate Than A Teenager — Even if they didn’t naturally munch grass, you wouldn’t have to beg your cow to trim the backyard. Just say: “Hey, hamburger butt! How’s that lawn coming?”

Minimal Damage — As compared to a full-sized steer, if a mini-cow steps on your foot, it will only break and not, you know, crush it.

Dog Vs. Cat — A pet cow will not chase the cat or bark at the neighbours. A cow will not bring you dead mice, or spend all night singing on the fence post. (Well it might, but you’d have to get it very drunk first.)

On the other hand, keeping cattle for pets would also have some disadvantages:

A Guard Cow? — Cows are generally too docile to be good guard animals, although I suppose you could train yours to chew its cud in a threatening manner. A mini-bull would probably be *too* aggressive, as it would probably suffer from short bull’s syndrome.

Pass (on) the Milk — Wanna be ranchers will think having fresh milk daily is great until 1) They have to help the cow give birth in order to get her to start producing the stuff and 2) They have to go out twice daily to milk her.

Very VERY Green Grass — Cattle produce a lot of, um, fertilizer. If you plan to use your lawn for anything other than pasture, you’re either going to have to get a sturdy (and washable) pair of boots, or buy an industrial scooper.

Bo-ring — Cattle do not play fetch. They do not chase toy mice. Indeed, for play and companionship value, cattle rank only marginally higher than fish and lower than hamsters. (A hamster will at least look cute while running through a Habitrail. And if you tried building one of those big enough for your pet cow, it would be your neighbours that laughed so hard that milk came out of their noses).

Walkies? Ha! — You could not take a cow for a walk. Oh sure, you could put it on a leash, whistle, clap, and shout, but when 500 lbs of anything decides to stay still, you ain’t movin’ it.

Guilt Trip — Cattle don’t have many talents, but one thing they excel at is staring. Just try eating that steak dinner with Betsy peering in through the kitchen window for hours at a time.

So please, dear readers, think twice before purchasing any mini-cattle as pets for your kids, or to fulfill those latent rancher aspirations of yours. It would be a bigger cowmittment than you’d be willing to make.

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket

Dogged Determination

April 14, 2014 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

Image Credit: Pixabay

This week, from the department of teaching old dogs new tricks: Bonnie Bergin wants you to teach your dog to read.

Bergin, who is well-respected as a dog trainer and who also has a background in human education, says the idea isn’t as far… er… fetched as you might think. She reminds us that dogs can be trained to sniff out drugs and bombs, or guide a blind person across a busy intersection, so why not train them to read? She believes that the average dog can be compared to a two or three-year-old human child in terms of cognitive abilities.

I have no doubt that dogs are smart enough to be taught to read at a limited level; I’ve met some pretty smart dogs in my time, some of whom were smarter than their owners. And comparing dogs to toddlers is probably accurate. Thankfully dogs aren’t subject to as many temper tantrums.

I do wonder though, at the wisdom of teaching man’s best friend how to read. Students of history will tell you that the consequences of one group suddenly becoming literate can be disastrous for another group.

For example, consider the dog food industry. For years, dogs have been happily chowing down on dry kibble concoctions or suspect tins of meat-like food. Teach them how to read and suddenly they discover ingredient lists.

ROVER: Grrr. What exactly is “chicken by-product?”
YOU: Um…chicken parts made from a process not intended to produce, er, chicken parts.
ROVER: You mean I’m not getting genuine drumsticks here?
YOU: Uh, no.
ROVER: Thighs? A nice bit of wing?
YOU: Er…
ROVER: Has this food even been waved *over* any real chicken? Or have I been eating beak bits all my life?

On the domestic assistance front, forget having Fido fetch your daily newspaper. Or more accurately, Fido will gladly fetch the paper, but won’t hand it over. At least not until he’s done with the sports section.

Your relationship with your dog will change significantly as well. For instance, I suspect dogs will still enjoy chasing after balls, but certain aspects of the game may have to change.

YOU: [Throwing ball] There you go girl!
LASSIE: Sorry to be a pain, but did you wash your hands first?
YOU: What?
LASSIE: Before you picked up the ball, I mean? Did you wash up?
YOU: I don’t understand.
LASSIE: It’s just that I was reading the other day about how human hands have 3000 times as many germs as the inside of a dog’s mouth, and, well, no offence, but…

The Internet will never be the same again either. Once they know how to read, dogs will realize that those boxes humans sit in front of for hours are intensely interesting. Keyboard and mouse manufacturers will suddenly have a whole new market for canine usable (dogernomic?) access devices. Dogs will set up their own Amazon.com wish lists (with titles like “Good Owners, Great Dogs” and “Dog Heroes”). They’ll surf for dog porn, write doggie mail, and use instant messaging (“I be K9? U?”) The Internet will change so profoundly it will be a dog com revolution.

You won’t be able to trick them into a trip to the veterinarian’s office, as they’ll be able to read the street signs along the way. Worse, they may be able to work out how to reprogram your car’s navigation system so you end up at the ice cream stand instead. Walks will not be to the park anymore, they’ll be to the local library. Dogs won’t greet each other by sniffing each other’s behinds; instead they’ll read each other’s dog tags. And you’ll find your chequing account won’t reconcile to your cheque book, because a certain furry member of the household has been making donations to the local humane society.

And if your dog works out you can use the phone book to order take-out?

You’ll be pooched.

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket

Tiger, tiger, burning… where?

June 26, 2013 By Chandra Clarke 1 Comment

We’ve known for a while that pet ownership can be influenced by the latest trend as much as anything else. Remember when Jack Russell terriers were everywhere, thanks to the TV show Frasier? Ferrets were very popular for a long time, and it wasn’t so long ago that iguanas were the hottest cold-blooded thing around.

Owning exotic or unusual animals has been a human obsession for centuries. What has changed in recent years is the ability of moderately wealthy middle-class Westerners to own ‘designer’ pets  — something that would only have been available to royalty in the past.

What do I mean by designer pets? Well, by now you’ve probably heard of the Allerca GD Cat; where GD is not the usual thing associated with cats (“That GD cat left a dead mouse on my pillow again!”), but Genetic Divergences. These cats have been bred to be hypoallergenic, so you can have a kitten without a Kleenex, or a Siamese without the sneeze.

Allerca’s got nothing on Judy Sugden, however. Sugden is the inventor of something destined to become America’s next must-have feline: The toyger.

The toyger is a housecat bred to look like its jungle-born cousin, from the distinctive striping right down to the way it prowls around, stalking a fierce, formidable … rubber squeakie mouse.

Although some cat fanciers are already sniffing in disdain about the toyger’s un-catlike behaviour (for starters, it’s affectionate), experts predict that single toyger kitten will command a price of around $4000 US. This is because people will love being able to bring a little wilderness into the suburbs, in spite of having moved there precisely to escape the wilder aspects of the inner cities.

Now I bet some of you are already eyeing your tabby cat with dollar signs in your eyes. My advice? Forget it. Cat breeding is not for the faint of heart. For one thing, if you thought giving your cat a pill was hard, consider the difficulties associated with artificial insemination.

Even natural cat breeding is difficult. Owners have to help their charges with elaborate courtship rituals, often involving poetry (T. S. Eliot, William Wordsworth and especially Edward Lear), music (Cat Stevens, Cat Scratch Fever, What’s New Pussycat?), and theatre (What else? Cats). The bills can really add up.

Sugden has an advantage over you anyway: Her mother was the inventor of the vastly popular domestic Bengal cat. Sugden bred a tabby with a particularly tigrish looking Bengal with so-so results, and then bred the offspring with a street cat from Kashmir. The resulting kittens were good enough to become the basis for the breed as it is today. (Meanwhile, the Kashmiri cat, hoping to cash in on the fame his paternity will bring, is writing his memoirs. The working title is “The Cat’s Meow  — The untold story of one punk cat’s rise from the streets to a life of cream and canaries.”)

While designer cats may sound frivolous, they are not entirely so. The domestic Bengal was invented in the hopes that fewer people would buy leopard stoles if they looked too much like the coat of a beloved family pet. Sugden claims that breeding toygers helps preserve the look and characteristics of a disappearing wild animal. And it’s quite possible that many people who might otherwise be silly enough to try their hand at (in?) a real tiger would go for one of these instead. Indeed, since the toyger doesn’t require an entire deer for dinner, and does not have the unfortunate ability to bite off your head, it might be a very attractive alternative for some.

As for me, if I had $4000 to spend on felines, I’d adopt one from the humane society and donate the remaining cash to a wildlife federation.

No really, I couldn’t do one without doing the other  — it’s a cat 22, you know.

Photo by Michael Sum on Unsplash

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
Next Page »

Your Host:

On Sale Now:

Search

Recent Posts

  • Papers of (Broken) Record
  • A Book for Entrepreneurs
  • Beware the Unusual Home . . .
  • Mirror, Mirror… er… in the Sky?
  • 2020 Awards Eligibility Post

Like My Work?

Want to put something in the tip jar?

Buy me a book! Bonus: You’ll be supporting another author when you do! Just click on the graphic below and make the purchase – it will send it to my (hidden) address or Kindle as a gift.

My Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WL17UVY8T3OQ?&sort=default

Tags

advertising Android Astronomy Australia babies Bee biology books California canada children Christmas Citizen Science citizen science games climate change computer-based crowdfunding distributed computing dogs do it anywhere England environment funding game Garden gardening History insects iPhone NASA Parenting Pets pollution science science communication space spring technology ted Television trees USA weather Wildlife Zooniverse

Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

You might also like...

  • A Proofreading Course
  • An Editing Course
  • Citizen Science
  • Learn English Grammar
  • Online Writing Courses
  • Proofreading Service
  • Writing Advice

Site Sponsor

  • Privacy
  • Terms

Copyright © 2021 Chandra Clarke. All Rights Reserved.