Chandra Clarke

Award-winning entrepreneur. Author. Professional Optimist.

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If Chandra Clarke happens to be as nuts as the characters in her book…

August 10, 2020 By Chandra Clarke 2 Comments

Pundragon launches today, and the early reviewers have been very kind. Mike Reeves-McMillan, writing on Goodreads, says:

“The other thing about a comedy for me is that, in order to work, it needs (like Dorothy’s companions) a brain and a heart and a bit of courage. This book has all three.”

Rachel G., a NetGalley reviewer, wrote: “This is a thoroughly enjoyable romp through a strange world with a bizarre but very likeable cast of characters. Some of the puns are eye-wateringly terrible, but they are supposed to be and that is all part of their charm. I’d recommend this book to anyone who enjoys fantasy novels with a comic twist.”

One of my favourite review lines from Marvin on Goodreads was this: “If Chandra Clarke happens to be as nuts as the characters in her book, one might start feeling sorry for the people surrounding her …” My family has no comment at this time.

Marvin also says: “Let’s imagine that Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and the Monty Python guys would have met in a pub, and after a considerable amount of beers, decided to write a modern version of ‘Alice in Wonderland’. The result could have been ‘Pundragon’.” I can’t think of better authorial company to be keeping, as they’re all influences.

Pundragon is available in both ebook and paperback format on all Amazon sites. If you’re in need of a good laugh, this might be the book for you.

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Coming Soon: Pundragon!

June 29, 2020 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

This sweet doggo was so excited to bring you the cover, she only charged me one biscuit. I gave her an ear scritch as a tip.

 

I’m thrilled to announce the upcoming release of my next book, Pundragon. Here’s the blurb:

Ian McDonald is trying very hard not to think about how the world might be going to hell in a handbag. After all, what’s he going to be able to do about it? He’s just this guy, stuck in a small town, pinned there by a load of student debt and a stalled writing career. Oh, and a wicked case of writer’s block.

Or at least he was, until a dragon showed up in his bedroom. At midnight. Quoting Freud and muttering about the space-time continuum.

So of course, Ian must Make a Choice and decide whether he wants to follow the dragon back into the Connectome and find his muse again, or stay in a house that surely wants to kill him, one repair bill at a time.

Follow Ian on a rollicking adventure, where he finds out that he can make a difference. And that some things are worth fighting for.

Even if all you have is a can opener.

Chock full of puns, terrible jokes, and nerdy references, I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did in writing it.

It’s going to be released in August, but you can preorder the ebook version anytime here: Amazon Link

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I Have Something Up My Sleeve

June 16, 2020 By Chandra Clarke 1 Comment

And no, it’s not the dryer sheet.

Earlier this year, I announced that I had two novels coming out. The first one, Echoes of Another, was published in April to rave reviews. (You can read the first chapter for free here.) Today, I’m teasing the cover for my upcoming humourous fantasy novel:

If you’re a fan of puns, adventure, a bit of social commentary… well, if you’re a fan of this blog, you’ll love this book. Stay tuned for the full reveal!

 

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The Tooth and Nothing But the Tooth

June 16, 2020 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

Photo Credit: Needpix

 

There’s nothing like becoming a parent to make you re-examine your values and start asking yourself the bigger questions. Things like: What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? And (when looking at yourself in the mirror and discovering more baggage under your eyes than Air Canada has ever lost): When did I get to be a 47-year-old mother of four?

In the United States, some school systems are (still) embroiled in legal battles over a similar question: What about the origin of humanity? Some fundamentalist groups are advocating something called “intelligent design” which believes we are very complex beings that could only have been designed by a creator. On the other side are those who would prefer to keep the public school system curriculum secular and stick with teaching the scientific explanation, evolution.

Personally, I’m not sure either side* has it right when it comes to explaining some of our features. Consider teething, for example. I’m sure every mother would agree that when it comes to nursing, the fact that babies are born toothless is very intelligent indeed. On the other hand, why does teething have to involve pain? It doesn’t hurt to grown fingernails or hair or toes. And why, oh why, do babies only teethe at 3 am?

Babies also tend to put everything in their mouths. I do not understand how we still have this trait after thousands of years of evolution, as it’s not very conducive to survival. Back in our cave days, a baby might end up grabbing and chomping a poisonous plant. These days it’s even worse: he might grab and slurp his toddler brother’s favourite Thomas train.

Then there’s the waking up all through the night thing. In a way, having to settle your baby several times a night is much like using a computer. You get an error (crying), try to investigate the cause (usually no discernible reason), and reboot (pat him off to sleep). I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a single person who thinks computer operating systems are intelligently designed.

Having a baby wake up crying in the night can’t have been good for our ancestors either, as you’re not likely to survive long if you advertise your position to the local wildlife. Plus being sleep deprived can make mothers do dumb things (like hand the bottle to the husband and the beer to the baby) or dangerous things (like cutting a sandwich in half and forgetting to move your finger). Er, or so I’ve heard.

Humans can’t walk for almost a full year and so must be carried around. From a design point of view, this doesn’t seem very smart … unless the creator is also the patron saint of chiropractors, in which case it all makes sense. Humans can’t talk very well for ages either, and so to an inexperienced cave mother, “waaah!” could mean “Feed me!” or “I’m tired” or “Look out! You are about to be stepped on by a woolly mammoth!” and she’d not know the difference.

Our feet do not seem to have been designed with, nor have they evolved with a protective layer against Lego bricks. We have only two hands to deal with four bags of groceries, a toddler, a baby, a purse, a diaper bag, and a stroller. And in spite of what our kids sometimes think, we do not have eyes in the back our heads, and darn it, that would be a really, really handy feature.

So what about our origins? Where did we humans come from? Clearly, there is only one answer:

We were designed by a committee. After a lot of arguments. And at least one of the committee members had a very sadistic sense of humour.

 

 

* For the purposes of this column. For reals though, evolution. Science is a thing.

 

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