Earlier this morning, I was reading an article about irons. It said that if I really wanted to splurge, I could buy a Miele Rotary Iron, for $3295. So naturally, my first question was: what’s an iron?
I am, you see, somewhat ‘clothing care challenged.’ When the soap commercial comes on TV and asks, ‘What is your biggest laundry problem?’ my family does not say ‘ring around the collar.’ They say: ‘Chandra.’
Let’s start with laundry collection. It was only later in my adult life that I managed to acquire anything as fancy as a ‘sock drawer.’ My old dresser only had two drawers; since I could never decide whether to file socks under ‘unmentionables’ or ‘mentionables,’ I usually just tossed them at the nearest piece of chair-like furniture. As the dresser was also quite small, many other stray bits also had to be, um, filed, the same way.
These days, of course, since I have children, One Must Set an Example. So I don’t have my laundry all over the floor in my room anymore. I shove it under the bed.
But I digress. Once I have gathered enough laundry to make up a load, I’ll take it to the washing machine, throw in some soap and … promptly forget about it. Indeed, laundry is one of the reasons why I got a PhD. This is so that a) I can really be an absent-minded professor and Eccentric rather than merely Lazy and b) so that I can study the strange, bluish life forms that appear on wet clothes after about a week.
After a second, and sometimes third wash (depending on how forgetful I am), I will actually manage to get the load into the dryer, where it will sit for another week. The advantage is that I never have to use fabric softener: after a half dozen consecutive washes and sitting for several days in a crush of heavy clothes, my unmentionables are as soft as can be.
It should be no surprise then, to realize that ironing is just not in my vocabulary. My approach to wrinkle management varies depending on the day:
- Working in the home office: wrinkles, schminkles.
- Going out in public: Set six timers to remind myself to grab the clothes when they get out of the dryer and hope there’s enough random things to make up an outfit.
This way, I use far less energy with the dryer than I would with an iron, which I would forget and leave on for a week. (By which point, it would have burned its way through two floors to the basement.)
Which brings me to my second question about the $3,295 iron. Who the heck pays that kind of money for an appliance that you still have to operate manually? Plus, if you look at what a ‘rotary iron’ is, it looks like an exceptionally efficient device for catching and squashing hands. I had enough of that back in the bad old days when I had to run an ancient printing press for my job.
No, if I am going to spend that sort of money on anything to do with laundry, it’ll be for a robot. And it will be one that picks up my clothes, washes, dries, irons and puts them away.
And meanwhile, I could get on with… less pressing concerns.