Unless you are Japanese, you probably missed it — last week was Beloved Wives Day.
The brainchild of the fledgling Japan Doting Husband Association, it is a day designed to make husbands appreciate their wives more.
In a country where most men are workaholics, the association suggests that husbands come home early (8 p.m.!) and do something daring and romantic, like call their wives by their names instead of grunting at them.
Clearly, romance has a long way to go in Japan. However, the concept — teaching men how to better appreciate their wives — is a sound one. I happen to be blessed with an incredibly thoughtful husband, and I try to reciprocate. But I know I’m still a rarity. So, I have decided to open up a series of schools here in North America to help spread the word. Some of the classes I plan to offer include:
Sock Basketball 101 — Making Picking Up Your Own Dirty Laundry Fun
Lecture Series 12: One Call Does It All — Dr. Mark Smith discusses his remarkable discovery that a simple call home to let your wife know you’ll be late can prevent all sorts of problems.
Horticulture — Flowers: Not Just For Apologies Anymore
Canadian Living — Round table discussion, ten minute recess, followed by break-out sessions. This week’s topic: Saturday Night — Is There More To Life Than Hockey Night In Canada?
Introducing Household Appliances — Appliance of the Month for February: The Stove. Moving beyond microwaveable pizza pockets to warming up frozen dinners. Special topics include: Setting the Timer, Temperature Control and Putting On Dinner Without Being Asked.
Personal Grooming: Beer Breath And You
Lecture Series 12: Wife As Social Secretary – James Hogan presents his studies of wives who carry out the family’s social secretary duties, including remembering the birthdays and anniversaries of her in-laws. His astonishing conclusions suggest that women are quite often prepared to remember and plan for dozens of important dates, making their husbands look organized and thoughtful, but only if the husband is prepared to remember two important dates himself: her birthday, and their anniversary.
American Living — Round table discussion, ten minute recess, followed by break-out sessions. This week’s topic: The James Kingswell Super Bowl Incident — Could It Have Been Prevented? Panelists will discuss the plight of James Kingswell, who is recovering from surgery to remove a beer can from his ear. Experts will highlight data that suggest that dinner and a movie on Game Day Eve could prevent as many as 95% of Game Day domestic disputes.
Product Reviews: Our consumer panel tests the new Microwaveable Breakfast in Bed Box. Overall the product rates well, but panelists criticize the manufacturer for not including explicit instructions to remove the flower and vase from the package before microwaving.
The Bedroom: In honour of Valentine’s Day, our sex expert will present 14 manoeuvres guaranteed to make her go wild, including: Doing the Dishes, Taking the Children Out For a Long, Long Walk, and Why Don’t I Run You A Hot Bath? Warning: Explicit, full-colour explanatory slides will be part of the presentation.
British Living — Round table discussion, ten minute recess, followed by break-out sessions. This week’s topic: Why women do not consider “We’re Man U and We are Loud” and “Glory, glory, Man United” good selections for romantic serenades. Bonus topic: Expanding Your Wardrobe Beyond Arsenal’s Home Kit – This Season’s Away Team Colours.
Internet — How to prevent your wife from ever finding out you secretly browse the Mapquest site for directions.
Workshop: To Leave the Seat Up or Not To Leave the Seat Up? End the debate once and for all with this fun home improvement project which raises and lowers the seat automatically! Participants must bring their own: duct tape, 12 gauge wire, power drill, cat.