Chandra Clarke

Award-winning entrepreneur. Author. Professional Optimist.

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Canadian Elections Explained. Mostly.

August 17, 2015 By Chandra Clarke Leave a Comment

Can-vote-stub

Being very sensibly immersed in summer, you may not have heard the most recent political news: Canadians are preparing for a federal election for this autumn.

This is almost unheard of here, as political parties usually have the good sense to call fall elections in the… you know… fall. However, the incumbent party apparently wants to make Canadians hate democracy with a blind fury, and plans to make this happen by inflicting more than 100 days of campaigning on them.

I know from my own experience as an outsider looking at the American or European Union situations that the politics of another country or group can be … puzzling sometimes. So today I offer you this primer on the Canadian political system.

Parliament: Where the Canadian government sits in Ottawa, Ontario. This is large, old and imposing brick building with a high fence at the front, and a nasty drop into a cold river at the back; it is covered by several feet of snow at least eight months a year. We sentence 300+ people to work, eat, and breathe there for terms of up to five years, and wonder why they come back changed men and women.

Member of Parliament: This is a local person who has been convinced to run for a seat in the government. Like in any other democracy, Canadians will plant lawn signs, canvass, campaign, and rally around their chosen victim until election day. After that, they regard him or her as a “politician,” to be muttered about darkly in the coffee shops.

Opposition: The parties that fail to form the government collectively form what is known as the Opposition. They get to second guess and criticize the government’s every move, which makes their jobs way more fun and less work than actually governing. See also Armchair General, Monday Morning Quarterback and Movie Critic.

Question Period: A period of time every day that parliament is in session, where the government and especially the Prime Minister must face the Opposition and answer questions about its policies and conduct. Americans should try this some time.

Lawn Sign: Candidates typically go to great trouble and expense to get supporters to place partisan signs on their lawns. This is probably a singularly ineffective way to advertise because,

A) Someone who is committed enough to put up a lawn sign is already going to vote for you;

B) Anyone who is undecided will be further confused by a walk through any average neighbourhood: “Oh look! A Liberal sign. Maybe I’ll vote Liberal. Wait! A Conservative sign. Perhaps I’ll vote Conservative. Hang on! A New Democratic Party sign. Think I’ll vote NDP. Whoa! Another Liberal sign. Maybe I’ll vote Liberal.” And finally,

C) This being an autumn election, most of the signs will be buried in the snow across much of the country by polling day anyway.

Door-to-Door Canvassing: Another dubious campaign strategy is going door-to-door. Typically a campaigner will knock on your door, shake your hand, and say something like, “I’m Joe Blow, and I’d like your vote this October.” This year, candidates will likely say, “I’m Joe Blow, and I’m really, really desperate for a new pair of runners. Mine gave out six weeks ago.” Or they may say, “Mm! Mmm mmph mmmph mmm!” because they’re bundled up in a toque, scarf, mittens, earmuffs and a parka.

Door-to-Door II: Whether or not it’s a good time of year, Canadians still value a personal visit and a handshake from the local candidates. This is just one of the many unreasonable expectations we have for our politicians. My riding, for example, has 106,144 people it, which means the local candidate would have to shake something like 1800 hands a day to meet everyone, or die trying. The riding of Nunavut, meanwhile, has only 26,745 people – which might make a personal visit doable, if only the riding wasn’t 2,093,190 kilometers squared in size.

Bad Seasonally-Themed Political Writing: From a voter perspective, the only thing worse than facing a polling day blizzard will be enduring the bad thematic political writing. Look for headlines like: “A Fall for Harper?” or “Opposition Wants To Rake In The Votes ” or “Who Will Exit First: The Maple Leafs or NDP?”

Photo credit: RouxRoundel. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

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Make your mark

June 26, 2012 By Chandra Clarke 1 Comment

English: This is a picture of an American voti...
Strange things happen behind these curtains. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, I will tackle a subject that has baffled some of the brightest thinkers of our time. The issue of the missing “dark matter” in our universe? No. Child poverty? Not that either. I will try to explain: the US electoral system.

Why is this such a difficult topic? Well for one thing, scientists can’t explain the epidemic levels of obesity in the US, because Americans are constantly exercising their right to vote. Indeed, a 1995 study suggested that US citizens were asked to cast their ballot approximately once every 3.5 minutes. And this was before the invention of online polls that ask crucial questions like: Should Rudy be voted off the island?

What are Americans voting for? Well, once every four years there is a presidential election, with congressional elections held at the same time. Elections for the House of Representatives are held every two years. Senators have six-year terms, with one-third elected every two years. Meanwhile State governors serve four-year terms with about half up for election every two years. All of this means three things:

1) The “Founding Fathers” — the people who set up this system — anticipated that revolving doors would be installed in every US government building.

2) These same people all had shares in companies that produced campaign promo items like bumper stickers, t-shirts, and US flag bunting.

3) It’s no wonder 95% of Americans have no idea who their local representative is.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s start with something simple, like presidential elections. There are two parties in the US, one called the Democrats, the other called the Republicans. The first party has as its symbol a donkey, a pack animal known to bray a lot, and to be stubborn and gloomy. The second party is symbolized by an elephant, a war beast known for knocking down trees and stomping small things. Of course, one shouldn’t read into these things too deeply.

One becomes the leader of a party by going through a marathon process called “the primaries.” Leadership candidates campaign hard, state-by-state, to win delegates who will later attend a convention and select a leader. Many people believe that a successful candidate wins primaries by having a strong platform and discussing the issues. Actually, a successful candidate wins primaries by having a well-stocked campaign bus bar and fridge. This keeps the reporters assigned to cover your campaign happy and well-fed, which in turn prevents them from filing cranky stories with headlines like: “Candidate Flubs Breakfast; Expected to Drop Out of Race Tomorrow.”

Rather than hold all state primaries on the same day, the campaign is waged over a period of several weeks. This means that states further down on the schedule don’t get to choose between all of the candidates, just the ones that haven’t dropped out because they A) collapsed in exhaustion, B) ran out of money or C) forgot to restock the bus fridge. This holds true for every state but Vermont, which votes for a dropped out candidate anyway.

Once the two parties have selected their leaders, they square off in a campaign to become president. The candidates engage in serious, informed debate, and then respectfully ask the voters for their support. No, wait, that’s Finland. In the US, the candidates spend millions of dollars on TV advertisements that air every 32 seconds for about six months. Voter turn out is high in the US simply because the citizens will do anything at that point to make the pain go away.

The voting process itself is quite complex. First, because it is a secret ballot, citizens must register as either a Democrat or a Republican. They then go to a polling station where they enter a booth, confront a machine and pull a lever. Critics have compared US voting machines to Las Vegas slot machines, but really, that’s not a fair comparison: the user at least has some chance at winning when they play the slots.

Finally, all the votes are tallied. Well, except the ones from people named Chad, people overseas, and anyone in Vermont because everyone knows they’re going to vote for a dropped out candidate anyway. All the remaining votes are shipped, either by donkey or elephant convoy, to something called an Electoral College, which declares one of the candidates the president. No one quite knows what goes on there, but because it is a college, many suspect it involves large quantities of beer.

There. Now isn’t that all much clearer?

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